I was able to get up early this morning. It’s quiet.
There’s plenty of sound — people are waking up, all around me — but in comparison to what will come later what I am hearing now is really only the beginning of sound.
A day is starting. A work day. So far, it is clean and un-ruined. Soon, new sounds will come, outside in the world and inside our heads.
I woke up too late. That horn is so loud. I don’t want to do it today. I can’t do it today. The train is late. Fuck this train. Look at that cute baby. Look at that old woman, eating her breakfast on the go.
There’s a union guy. Look at his clothes. Real hard work dirtied up those clothes.
There are two people kissing. There’s love in the world. Two people arguing — fear and hate.
We have a choice, much of the time, to start fresh in the moment — I think. I try to do this. It’s helped me, to turn away from locking into any one mode of certainty, which imbues any sound, colors any observations, with convenient evidence for either my continued victimhood or perpetual gloriousness.
It’s a fuck of a wild horse, the human brain. But the day, right now, in the dark or pre-dawn — it doesn’t care what I’m feeling, what I think. It merely proceeds as it always has, and always will, for a long time yet to come.
My intention for this day is to appreciate each moment, to avoid judging any as good or bad, to accept what comes, and to allow myself some leniency for any “failure” in this regard. If the day is likely to remain fundamentally the same no matter how we might impact it, no matter what might happen, I can allow myself to react according to my nature, but I don’t need to stay in reaction. I can seek my connection with this nature, and go no further and be content with this.
So, I retract my earlier words. This earliest part of the day is not clean and un-ruined compared to what else might come, it is my perspective that naturally and understandably shifts and vacillates as time goes on.
Sleep just happens to often provide a natural reset, and in reflecting here now I realize that I am fresh with the benefits of that reset. There’s something to be said for the effects of noise, and the added complications that come when more and more people — with their own wants, needs, and reactions — are brought into the mix of the day. It’s not meant to be a completely ordered, rational process.
This is life. Like each day, it continues on with or without my participation and acceptance. In this light, it seems to make more sense to meet what comes with openness and a willingness to show patience.
My name is Michael. I am a Writer and Filmmaker of hopeful stories for complex people. Lately, I have been sharing some reflections and stories every morning. Once per month, I send a special note to those on my email list. They get exclusive stories and advanced (sometimes free) access to my work. You can join this exclusive group here. Thanks for reading.